Did you grow up not experiencing how to love with spontaneity and openness?
Were your parents never really there for you to show you love and affection even though they were physically present?
Or maybe your parents weren't disciplined enough to instill proper discipline in you during your growing up days.
Whichever was the case, there is every chance you are currently suffering from destructive relationship patterns.
What exactly does that mean?
It means that you have unconsciously modern your life after the vicious, abusive or neglectful way of your parent(s). And that is the effect of you living with a family who themselves suffered from same destructive relationship patterns.
Why do I have to be like my parents?
Let's just say because it is a family disorder that can be passed down from one generation to the other and that's why clinicians refer to it as “Family Cycle Dysfunction.”
It begins when you gradually start picking up the dysfunctional behaviors (like yelling at kids or the other parent) exhibited by your parents.
Slowly, you determine distorted ways of shielding yourself from abuse and do you know what? These distorted ways get to interfere with your intimacy.
At first, you may try to fight against it, but you eventually succumb and adapt to it by becoming hard heartened. Telling yourself you don't need your parents love after all and you might even find yourself asking questions like:
Did my parents really care for me?
Did they love me? No! “I don't think so” is always (often) the most likely answer.
First off, it is important for you to realize that it isn't your fault you are the way you are today. It is a dysfunction passed down to from your descendants without giving you a choice to want it or not.
So you can go on to blame your father, your father's father, and your father's father father. But while you are not to be blamed for developing the dysfunction, you will certainly be blamed by your own children should you fail to break the Family Cycle Dysfunction.
Now, this is the part where you might want to ask, can this cycle truly be broken? Yes, is the answer.
Here are some ways on how you can break the family cycle dysfunction that has gotten the better of you
1. Take A Step And Be The Change
Rather than sit down and wait for a miracle to happen that will change the dysfunctional status of your family, why not be the change yourself?
No rescue team is going to come rescue your family, take matters into your hands and cause the desired change to occur.
In case you have no ideas on how to initiate the change process, here is a professional and friendly advice for - seek external help. Go talk to a professional like a therapist for instance and set the ball rolling for the desired change to take place by recognizing dysfunctional patterns and how to change them.
2. Trust In Yourself
Granted it takes a sheer amount of trust for you to believe that you confiding in someone else can help in bringing about the much-needed change. But that trust isn't enough; you still have to trust in your abilities that you can pull it off and believe that it can happen.
When you believe, trust in someone else and in yourself that you can be the change your family needs, then there is every chance you will break your family's dysfunction.
3. Cultivate The Habit Of Loving
Love is the number one ingredient you need if you wish to break the cycle of dysfunction in your family.
Therefore, develop the habit of showing love to members of your family. Rather than judge members of your family for their actions, show them love because it is possible that all the family member needs to turn a new leaf is “love”.
Your father, for example, might have never had experienced father-child love while growing up. You showing him love instead of hate in spite of how much he abuses you could just be all you need to break the cycle and all he needs to be a better dad.
Granted we can find it really difficult to forgive sometimes. No wonder there is a popular phrase that says:
“To err is human and to forgive is divine”.
You might not be in support of the actions of member(s) of your family, but rather than bear grudges against them, learn to forgive and let go.
This way, you will be doing your chances of breaking your family's cycle of dysfunction, a world of good.
Remember, to accomplish a journey of a thousand mile, you have to take a simple step. So, why don't you take that step today and break the circle of abuse in your family?