Do you feel like you have ruined your child's chances of growing up to become great personalities because you and your ex have been divorced?

Well, while divorce will certainly impact on the welfare of your child, it is however up to both parents to determine the eventual quality of their child or children's upbringing.

It is true, children can be negatively affected by the divorce of their parents, but that does not imply that children are necessarily confined to negative impact.

Maintaining a healthy relationship habit with your children after divorce can greatly minimize the negative impact.

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Below are ten ways you can achieve that:

1. Never Threaten To Discontinue From Contacting The Child Because Of What The Other Parent Did Or Failed To Do

The last thing your child need to grow up to become useful members of the society is a threat from you to cut off contact because of the other parent.

You both must realize that your children need you as role models in their lives. What this implies is that - both parents must establish and maintain a pathway of getting to the children whatever good you both have to offer them.

2. Let the children know that your divorce will not result in abandonment

The feeling of being abandoned by a parent is the worst experience any child could be subjected to. It is therefore important for both parents to remind the children that they will not be left behind regardless of the fact you both are now divorced. Constantly reinforce that you will always be there for them no matter what.

3. Hearing Criticisms Of The Other Parent

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Resist any temptation to speak ill of your ex in the presence of your children. It will make them feel uneasy and affect how they relate to the other parent or even with you. Now, that is not a healthy habit that can guarantee the healthy welfare of a child after divorce.

4. Do not involve your children in Money Issues with your ex

Whatever monetary issues that may come up between you both regarding the welfare of the children must not be discussed in their presence. This could make them nurse some false feelings that they are the cause of your troubles.

5. Separating feelings from behavior

Divorce will most likely stir up feelings of hurt and anger, but you should never allow such feelings to affect your behavior when relating to the kids. Rather, your actions should be motivated by the zeal of ensuring the kids have a good after-divorce life.

6. The children must not be made to convey message between Parents

Unless you seek to see your child suffer from some sort of emotional issues, you wouldn't make him or her a message conveyer between you and your ex.

Your child would appreciate it if you and your ex could communicate without him being a middleman, that way he doesn't have to deal with the burden of messing up your messages.

7. Get your feelings out somewhere else

Regardless of how you are feeling, you must refrain from venting in the presence of your children. If you are feeling depressed and needs someone to talk to, a friend or therapist will be a better alternative.

8. Both parents must not forget their parenting duties

Divorce should never cause either one of you to forget your parenting duties. In other words, parenthood must continue whether or not the time you now have to see your child has been limited to weekends only. Also, it definitely shouldn't end because you are feeling lonely as a result of the divorce.

Regardless of how you feel in the aftermath of your divorce with your ex, you both must continue to be good parents to your children because you owe them that.

9. Both parents should learn to cooperate when it comes to the welfare of the children.

You and your ex must do all you can to nurture the habit of cooperation especially when it pertains the welfare of your children.

How you feel about each other must not impede you both from cooperating to provide your children with the best care possible.

10. Give them the freedom to choose

As a divorced parent, it is important you understand that your children are free to love both parents. So, aside the fact that it is wrong for you to ask or talk your child into taking sides with you, it is also not good for the health of the child.

Doing so can cause your child to experience a huge amount of stress, and you don't want that for your kids, do you? Therefore, you must avoid anything that will put your child in a position to take sides.

Your child is already going through a lot already as a result of your divorce; stress is definitely the last thing he or she wants.

For more information or to schedule appointment online, please visit our Child Counseling page or call us at 919-647-4600.

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