Teens could fib about: who they hung out with, what they did and where they were. They could also lie about trying alcohol or drugs or driving recklessly one late night while out with their friends. This can frustrate any parent, but remember you were once a carefree teenager who wanted to have their own life with your own circle of friends and personal opinions. As your child grows to a teenager, you may not be sure what to do when you notice your teenager lies to you.
Going through the teen lying phase is to understand why teenagers lie.
They lie to:
Avoid Trouble. Teens may lie to not deal with the consequences.
Don’t Want to Be Embarrassed. Teenagers may create stories when they do something they think makes them look dumb, uncool, or weird.
Protect Friends. When a friend has severe issues with their parents, school, or local authorities, teens may defend with alibis, accounts, different interpretations, or leave out denials to help their friend get out of a mess.
Hide Emotions. A teenager could not fully open about their emotions. They may feel awkward, humiliated, or nervous about looking uncool.
Want to Look Better. Teenagers may exaggerate things they’ve done or things they’re capable of doing to gain more popularity. They may seek it out by lying about their grades for positive praise while they could lie about trying drugs or alcohol.
Establish Independence. Some teenagers may want to keep parts of their lives private, away from parents or teachers. Their growing independence is good, but lying about it may not be the best approach.
Now you know what teens might lie about and their reasons. It's time to understand what steps you need to connect with your teen about lying. Here are five tips to help you handle teen lying:
Be Calm. You want to have faith in your child. It won't help to raise your voice and give an angry lecture. It would help to hold a fair conversation.
Stay Level-headed. Remember, anything they say is not personal when your teen is dishonest. In most situations, teenage deceit is more for them than it is yours.
Focus on the Importance of Honesty. You can take the time to emphasize that lying can hurt others that can have many consequences. A constant liar lives in constant fear of being exposed, and that's not fun. Not only do the lies become difficult to keep up with, they trigger fear. They minimize their odds of getting trusted with major issues and responsibilities later if they're dishonest about minor issues as a teenager.
Model Honest Behavior. Your teenager notices and takes note more than you think. Lying can balloon quickly: little white lies can evolve into enormous lies. Next time you are out with your teenager, if someone calls to ask for help with a task, say, "Sorry, I 'd love to help, but I'm busy,". Be conscious of how you model yourself in front of family, friends, and the public for your teenager.
Realize This May Take Time. It might take time to get your teen back on the trail with honesty. Establish fair consequences for deception, commensurate with the lies. Turn off the screen time, push up the curfew or limit your car's use. Allow time to get used to your boundaries, and be patient and loving with them.
One thing to keep in mind is that teens can detect hypocrisy right away. If they realize you are on the hunt to detect their lies, they are much less likely to open up to you in the future.
Parents who take an inclusive approach to parenting rather than an oppressive approach build an environment where teenagers are not afraid to talk about their thoughts and feelings to a point. Teens in their family who grasp the reasoning behind the rules are less likely to break them. Your teen can converse with you. They may admit they have lied. But they can understand there are consequences and the way you hear and speak to them comes from a place of love and understanding, not intimidation and fear.
However, lying about alcohol, drug use, or illegal behavior may be an indication of an ongoing issue. If your teen lies about these regularly, it may be time to consider professional counseling. To schedule an appointment online, visit our teen counseling page or call us at 919-647-4600.
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