When two partners settle into a long-term relationship, daily habits become routine and tensions may arise. Couples therapy can help you navigate your feelings with each other, and these tips can help you further bring back that loving connection into your relationship.
Maintain your appearance and living space.
Being together for years can make for complacency in appearance and habits. You and your partner may longer fuss over your appearances and what topics to win them over, but there are no excuses to let go of your personal hygiene and living space. Keep your personal spaces tidy. Make sure that your partner feels that you are worth trying to make an effort for a step or two above "slovenly" with your appearance and living space.
Try to show more physical affection
Affection may give way to avoiding physical contact as relationships mature, especially if there was a past betrayal or event that may have driven a couple apart before. When you walk past them, put your hand on the arm of your partner or back. Give a kiss in the morning or at night before bed.
Compliment your partner more often.
A partner is not responsible for directly boosting their partner’s low self-esteem and self-worth. Instead, aim for positive reinforcement and genuine compliments. Being aware of the frequency with which you criticize your partner can also go a long way to make sure your partner feels safe and secure with you.
Validate each other’s feelings.
Every feeling is valid. Even though you may disagree with the point of view of your partner, you can say, "I hear you". Unconditionally supporting and listening to your partner would make them know that you are a secure ally who is always by their side. Your ability to listen can work wonders in creating a secure relationship.
Talk about interesting ideas and topics.
A couple can strive to remain interesting to each other. Consider talking to your partner about topics, ideas, and perspectives that are genuinely engaging. Show that you care about what they say. Engage with each other intellectually and energetically asides from basing your relationship on physical attractiveness.
Be grateful for all they do.
Express your love to your partner for all they do for you. That could be as simple as appreciating their thoughtfulness to buy your favorite snack when you were sick. They will feel grateful for the goodness and affection they give you and reciprocate their gratitude to you. Be mindful of everything they do for you to make your lives together much better.
Own that you were wrong (and when they have been right).
When you believe you made a mistake about an issue or a problem, take ownership of it. If you do, you will gain the appreciation and respect of your partner. If you do not, you will simply show that you are unwilling to communicate and solve any lingering tensions between you and your partner. Recognize your partner’s feelings if they were right about any issue or problem. They may have been doubtful about themselves, and your recognition will boost their self-esteem.
Trust your partner.
If a previous partner cheated you or betrayed you, you may be worried that the same thing will happen in your current relationship. This may lead you to blame your partner for no reason or have certain beliefs that turn out to be untrue. If you feel your fears and insecurities are threatening your relationship, talk to your partner about it. Go to marriage counseling to discuss your thoughts and feelings in a safe environment with your partner. Your partner is not your past, so focus on creating your future.
Let go of any past pain.
Any rehashing of old hurts and painful hardships will always ruin future joy. Do not bring it up in any fights or use them to guilt trip your partner. Use your previous experiences together as opportunities for learning and growing with each other. Let go of any pain and move forward.
Create a mutual goal.
It is nice to have a mutual goal or a mission on which you can work together. You could save for a vacation or collaborate on an art project. Bring together any complementary strengths and talents to achieve your goal as a team.
To learn more relationship tips, visit our couples counseling page or call 919-647-4600 to book for a session with one of our marriage therapists.
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