We live in what seems like a narcissistic world obsessed with image and attention. The constant need for attention that pervades throughout social media like Facebook and Instagram has made people much more concerned with their public image, posing for pictures at any opportunity and crafting picture-perfect social media feeds for friends and strangers alike. We can also see the detrimental consequences of the toxic positivity movement on a broader scale. More narcissistic people mean more narcissistic relationships.
Are you in a relationship with a narcissistic?
Does your partner prefer to talk about their issues such as their time, interests, money, self-esteem, sexual gratification, and so on? Have they ever listened, shared, and tried to solve your needs and desires?
Your partner may be a narcissist. You might feel lost because you may not yet know how to deal with a narcissistic partner.
If they always talk about their everyday issues (Where are my shoes? I’m too tired to get up and feed the baby. Make me look good!), and they rarely focus on your needs, then you probably have a self-centered person locked into a relationship with you.
How does a narcissistic partner impact a relationship?
You may feel lonely if you're in a marriage with a narcissist. You may feel that you are a secondary partner and that your needs and desires are irrelevant. Narcissistic spouses behave as if they are right all the time, they are the best at everything, or their partner is inane or useless. Often this leaves the other person angry and tries to defend themselves or make feel bad about themselves with a negative self-image
So, let’s consider ways that you can cope with your own emotions when you’re dealing with your narcissistic spouse:
1 Establish your partner’s narcissist type.
Find out which kind of narcissist you are in a relationship with. In short, vulnerable narcissists do not feel good about themselves. Grandiose narcissists don’t express their emotions, but they may not recognize when they undercut you or get in your way.
2 Recognize your frustration.
Narcissists may be hostile and will try to get underneath your skin. Understanding the source of your feelings can help you put an end to it.
3 Understand the source of their behavior.
It is important for vulnerable narcissists to feel better about themselves. They can challenge your authority merely to foster trouble. Too much reassurance and you will fan their egocentric flames, but they will calm down and get to the task with enough reassurance.
4 Analyze the situation’s context.
Narcissism is not a straightforward personality trait. Some situations may provoke your partner’s insecurities such as them begrudgingly working with another colleague who took a highly coveted promotion at their company. If your spouse holds on to such anger and resentment like that in that situation, keep in mind that the situation helped create the monster you now must interact with.
5 Keep a positive perspective when dealing with your narcissistic partner.
Seeing their pain will only spur them to more hostile counter-behavior. Don't look annoyed, even if you feel that way, and that behavior will ultimately fade away.
6 Don’t allow yourself to lose sight of your purpose or goals.
You do not have to pay attention to everything your narcissistic partner says or does, no matter how much he or she is crying out for it. Find the balance between moving forward in the direction you wish to pursue and easing the anxieties and insecurities of the vulnerable narcissist. If your partner is a grandiose narcissist, acknowledge their feelings but move on.
7 Have a sense of humor.
With a smile or laugh, you may call out your spouse’s inappropriate egocentric actions. Pointing out their bluff may mean that you ignore your partner, but it may also mean that you can go head-to-head to their bluff with a laugh.
8 Acknowledge that your partner might need some help.
Psychotherapy evidence shows that individuals can alter long-standing behaviors. Strengthening the individual's self-esteem cannot be something you can do on your own, but you can get outside help for your spouse’s behaviors.
If you want to save your relationship with your narcissistic partner, they need to do their inner work. Your partner must transcend their self-centered and derogatory traits. They need to question their patterns of self-feeding and pseudo-independent mentality. They must work on cultivating their empathy and reverence for others. Finally, they must establish transcendent values: they need to work on thinking for and caring about the well-being of others. Being compassionate and altruistic show corrective behaviors, creating true self-esteem and focusing on others rather than themselves.
To learn more about how you can transform your marriage with your narcissistic partner, visit our couples counseling page or call 919-647-4600 ext. 1 to schedule an appointment.
